Rewiring My Mind: How I Started Changing Toxic Thinking

A few years ago, I was on a video call with a freelance client. The job was simple, well-paid, and utterly meaningless to me.

As I smiled and nodded through the call, a wave of dread washed over me. My chest tightened. My thoughts raced. I felt the heat rise in my body. Minutes later, I had to mute myself to breathe.
What the hell was going on?

That wasn’t the first time I’d felt it—and it wouldn’t be the last. But that day, something clicked:
It wasn’t the project that was the problem. It was the way my mind was interpreting it.

My brain had learned to associate meaningless work with panic. It had built a mental highway labeled: “If it’s not aligned, you’re unsafe.”
Helpful in theory. But in practice? It left me stuck, anxious, and unable to function in the real world.

The Truth About Toxic Thinking

Here’s what I’ve learned since:

Your brain is a prediction machine.
It runs on patterns, not truth.
And most of those patterns were installed without your permission.

By the time you’re 35, most of your thoughts are just recycled habits. Unless you consciously intervene, you’ll keep thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions, and reinforcing the same reality—on autopilot.

And the worst part?
Your mind believes that whatever feels familiar must be safe.
So even toxic thought patterns—“I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never get better,” “I can’t trust anyone”—get filed under normal.

But familiar ≠ true.
Safe ≠ good.

How I Started Changing the Loop

I came across the work of Dr. Caroline Leaf and began practicing a simple 5-step process to rewire toxic thought patterns. No woo-woo. No pretending everything’s fine. Just deliberate work. And it helped.

Here’s the version that worked for me:

1. Observe the Thought

I’d write down the toxic thought exactly as it popped up. No censoring. Example: “I can’t do meaningless work without having a panic attack.”

2. Reflect and Question

Where did that belief come from?
When did it start?
What am I afraid of?
What is this thought trying to protect me from?

(Usually, it was some old pain dressed up as logic.)

3. Externalize It

I’d draw it out like a mind map—put the thought in a circle and let the associations spill out. Words, images, memories. Getting it on paper helped me defuse it.

4. Reframe

Then I’d ask: What’s a truer thought I can believe instead?
Not fake optimism. Just something more helpful.
New thought: “This project might not light me up—but it supports the meaningful work I’m building.”

5. Repeat

I wrote it on sticky notes. I set reminders. I let it become a mantra. It wasn’t magic—it was repetition. And slowly, the anxiety loosened its grip.

A Final Word

Changing toxic thinking is not about becoming a “positive person.”
It’s about reclaiming authorship over your mind.
It’s about teaching your nervous system a new story.
And it starts by noticing the one you’ve been telling yourself all along.

You don’t need to believe every thought you think.
You just need to decide which ones get to stay.

Try it next time you realise that you are thinking something that is not helpful. Close your eyes, find a thought that is “better”, any thought really, and entertain that thought for 20 seconds. Try to bring up some imagery that is supporting this thought and watch your emotions shift. This is not a fluke. This is spiritual alchemy at its core.

Keep going.
You’re not crazy—you’re waking up.

— Jan

P.S. If you wanna learn more about rewiring your mind and modulating old beliefs, I can highly recommend downloading my free ebook called “Unveiling Healing”.

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