What if the bad habits you’ve been fighting aren’t random at all?

What if the things that feel most destructive in your life point directly to what you’re capable of creating?

You don’t have to believe in God to explore this idea. Words like darkness or the devil can also mean the inner gravity we all feel — the urge to stay small, to avoid risk, to never step into our full potential. Whether you see it as a spiritual force or a psychological one, the effect can feel the same: it aims at the heart of what matters most in you.

I’ve seen it in my own life. Years ago, I slid into a routine of chasing distraction — long hours in a job that drained me, weekends blurred by alcohol, and a cycle of buying things I didn’t need to justify the grind. Then came the panic attacks after a mushroom trip gone sideways, and the months of anxiety that made even leaving the apartment feel like a risk. It would be easy to call that period a “mental health crisis” and leave it at that. But looking back, I see how precisely the struggle lined up with what mattered most.

If you’ve battled the urge to damage your own body — smoking, drinking, neglecting health — it might be because your voice or presence is meant to lift others. For me, numbing out was a way to silence the part of me that wanted to speak truth.

If self-doubt has been your shadow, maybe it’s because you have the ability to lead and inspire. I’ve felt that too — that heavy question, Who am I to…? The quickest way to keep a leader from leading is to make them question their worth.

If distraction and procrastination seem to own your time, perhaps it’s because you carry ideas, strategies, and visions worth building. Delay is one of the most effective ways to keep you from changing anything. I’ve learned that first-hand, staring at my list of half-finished projects, knowing that if I ever got them into the world, they might actually matter.

If lust or compulsive desire has tangled you up, it may be because you have a rare capacity for deep intimacy and healing. Distort love, and the genuine connection never has a chance to form.

If you’ve lived with the fear of rejection or abandonment, maybe it’s because you’re here to create belonging for others. Convince you that you don’t belong, and the circles you could have gathered never form.

If you obsess over appearance, it could be because you were meant to reflect something beyond the surface — whether you call that God’s glory, your authentic self, or simply truth. If you can be made to hate your reflection, you might never step into that role.

If you’ve been drawn to counterfeit sources of meaning — astrology, fortune-telling, manipulation — it may be because you have a gift for seeing patterns, reading people, or speaking insight that could help others. The counterfeit distracts you from the real.

If greed or overspending keeps you in scarcity, perhaps it’s because you were meant to resource others — to build, to fund, to bless. Keep you broke, and those projects never begin.

I’m not saying this is always the case, but I’ve noticed that struggles often point toward the exact thing we’re here to give. Whether you call it an enemy, resistance, or the small self, it rarely attacks the parts of us that don’t matter.

For me, those years of anxiety were not just about fear — they were about learning to reclaim my voice, my attention, my ability to create. They were about facing the inner urge to stay small and choosing, over and over again, not to.

Pay attention. Your hardest battles may be mapping your greatest assignments. The very wounds you carry might outline the shape of your gift.

follow heart.ships on Instagram!

Before You Go...

If you're enjoying this newsletter, I would greatly appreciate your support. Please consider sharing it with a friend or colleague who may benefit from some motivation and inspiration. Thank you!

My mission

My mission is to empower people to discover their true selves by freeing them from the mental and social constraints that hold them back, and to assist them in becoming their best selves.

FREE ebooks

Implementing the Money Mindset: Break Free from the Working-Class Mindset & Unlock Your Cashflows

The Anxiety Playbook: A Practical Guide Through the Everyday Madness of Anxiety

Dive Deeper with a Coaching

On my journey through the dark night of the soul I had many great teachers and mentors on my side. I spent thousands of Euros (and still do) on coachings and every cent was worth it. I don't think I would have been able to turn my life around so quickly without the help of these amazing people. The value you are receiving from working on removing emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and toxic thinking, can't be measured in money.

Most people only need 6 sessions in 3 months to generate dramatic outcomes in their lives. It's not like I teach them new things or have a bullet proof process. Quite the opposite is true. I believe that structure and process can help, but in most cases you're limiting life and all of its wonderful ways to create miracles for you. I am working on an intuitive level and combine all of my experience and knowledge from freeing myself.

What my clients are saying about working with me

Clara, Startup Founder: "Through his own very real ordeal and great listening skills I felt understood and that he was able to level with me in a way that felt authentic and unlike other help I’d previously sought in this area. I was inspired to pursue my own happiness (not overnight) and today can say, nearly two years on, living in a different country with a life full of love and running my own company - doing something I love - I’m really glad we met."

Felix, Startup Founder: "Jan is an extraordinary human being and an outstanding coach. Through our coaching, he helps me tremendously with personal growth and always has practical guidance at his hand."

Zahid, Startup Founder: "Jan is an incredible listener. Through several conversations with him, I have gotten a huge amount of clarity about where I’m looking to go with my business, and how I can overcome personal and professional challenges."

💡 High performance demands deep nourishment.
For years, I pushed through stress, anxiety, brain fog, and low energy — thinking I could outwork it all. But behind the scenes, my gut was inflamed, my brain running on fumes, and my body depleted. It wasn’t until I got serious about root causes — fixing my digestion, calming my nervous system, and supporting myself with the right supplements — that things shifted. Magnesium, omega-3s, a high-quality B-complex, and targeted gut support became non-negotiables. If you’re a high performer, don’t wait until burnout hits. Test yourself. Fuel yourself. And give your system what it actually needs to thrive.

👉 Check out my personal list of foundational supplements — science-backed essentials I recommend to everyone who wants to perform and feel their best.